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Don’t buy cheap Canoes

In the forest, what to do?
“The water’s rising”, ah! Canoe.
“Quick withdraw it, with due haste”,
But on my tongue appeared a taste
Of strawberry? A sign of rain,
Or from that sugar candy cane?
A tang of which I’d never mustered,
Wait, the taste had turned to custard.
Billy cried, from the back
“Row harder now, take up the slack”
I tried to concentrate but failed
For past a bear we swiftly sailed.
A bear? I began to wonder
Good canoes, they never sunder.
(Sunder means to break in two
For “simple” folk like me or you.)
“What’s happening?” I screamed “Oh fiddle
The canoe has snapped right down the middle.”
It then appeared to us as true
That this was not a good canoe,
In fact the opposite was sure,
The quality of build was poor.
Then that funny taste returned,
Like coal, in my mouth it burned
A hole, that began to grow,
The taste was jalapeño.
That’s right, a chilli pepper flavour,
Of which I did not crave to savour.
“It really hurts”, I came to wail,
My mouth ascended the Scoville scale.
I went to dunk my head but stopped,
The chilli pepper flavour swapped
To ice-cream, mint choc chip,
Then to Nestlé’s walnut whip.
Next, the essence, it was very
Similar to glacier cherry,
A fruit of which I would devour,
Yet, alas, it morphed to sour
Lemon, my face constricted
Into wrinkles that depicted
A Shar Pei dog, (the ones with creases).
A flavour like pineapple pieces
Then decided to emerge,
I turned angry, was on the verge
Of jumping in, so therefore braced,
But was already to my waist
With really rampant torrents coming,
My fingers and my toes were numbing.
Then my arms, my shoulders too,
Had just succumb to sunk canoe
‘Ping’ a light bulb, north my head
Appeared and so I proudly said,
“The flavours of which I’ve succumb
Came from my changing chewing gum”
So without pause, I blew a bubble,
We re-emerged, floated from trouble.
Well, I say we, my half did,
Bill’s half hit a power grid.
Don’t you let this tale confuse,
The moral – Don’t buy cheap canoes.

Sam Brown.

By: Sam B